Though I knew my queerness to be true, I fooled myself into thinking it wasn’t real as long as I didn’t engage in sexual acts with another man. It sounds ridiculous, but shame is powerful. At the time, I’d convinced myself that by having gay sex, I would be a gay man, so I wouldn’t do it, no matter how badly I wanted to. The difference between me and most of these men is that I never had a gay sexual experience until I declared my departure from the closet.Īfter years of serious introspection, I realized that internalized homophobia was to blame. Take it from me: I identified as straight until I came out as bisexual at 27 years old and as queer at 30. But sexuality is a complicated and personal thing. It would be easy to denounce these self-professed straight men as closeted or confused, and in some cases, this may be true.
(I’m generalizing here, but you know it’s true.) Their image-less profiles are all over Grindr, expecting you to show every square inch of your body without a single glimpse of their own. If a man repeatedly slept with other men but insisted he were straight, would you believe him? From a queer perspective, we’re well-acquainted with the type.
